Sleeping On My Thoughts

I am so sleepy...


Lack of hours to tend to my sheep while I am quiescent...
but my awaking hours I tend to certain bed sheets where he sleeps imbued with his essence. I am not complaining, I am just entertaining the idea of sleep, slept, sleeping.


Eyes heavy as they close, I see nothing that contains clothes.

The hour lead me straight to his bed, as we discussed and we role played in our heads the minute we would lie about time, where and with who and lay in his bed
giving hours of pleasure, head, face, mind, speech, sounds, words, love and confusion...arising and disillusioned, content and become...becoming, became.


Our rima oris has come together closing the gap of where speech escapes
and for a long moment I relapse to be entranced in his aura---

There is no ignoring us the universe has focused in,
allowing us to reclaim our space even for a moment of selfish weakness of pure delight...or bittersweet lovers ignorant to what is to be uncovered in zen.
Still I let him pretend to love me and give me straight sin....

It's becoming acceptable for you to be attracted to us...

Although, I never had an issue with being voluptuous.

I've always been curvy and super thick and the fellas loved it.

I see you looking, hard to ignore the dimensions of my figure.

The way I walk, waddle or my hips move.

Beautiful girl sway and confidence is spewed.

Obviously, she is confident...

comfortable with her size.

Whud up shorty, g'damn you thick....

My reply:

Rolls of eyes...

Depending on the swag I might reply:

With something fly...

Something poetic

some hood ethics...

Nah, I don't want to hurt them to bad.

I see you looking feeling like you ain't suppose to be.

Yea, she cute, thick maybe even sexy...

Isn't sexy suppose to be a smaller size?

But she got more than a little bit...

But damn she is super sized.

The thoughts roll thru his mind...

As he feast on me with his eyes

In awe with these massive thighs.

He doesn't understand what he is feeling.

Normally not attracted to women of size.

He stands behind me in line,

I can feel the heat of his nerves...

outlining my curves...

...so I turn and wave to see if he is still looking

and he was still looking.

It's acceptable to be attracted to women of size.

Don't be surprised if you are too!

"Boxing Air"

Today I feel like I can't breathe.
Every part of me feels deprived of something I need.
It's been two days since I've eaten and laid to rest my weary heart.
I don't feel torn apart--
That's the odd part.
Then again with all the evidence collected...
It's natural to feel neglected.
Pushed out, shoved out, walked out.
Keep walking because abandonment to each others
is not what I signed up for.
Although admitting my faults---you can never hold a candle
to what lies beneath in those dark parts you claim is truth.
Prayer speaks volume---
The angels can't hear you, they've blocked you out,
every time you think you reach a point of blessing,
More like someone has cop'd you out.
Walk alone; not standing on anyone's feet...
then pray for blessings before you go posting
for sympathy on FB!
Yes, I love, loving, loved you...
that's my bad for letting you do unto me what no man has.

..to be cont...

Pensive Moment...

I am to believe that all achieved is beneficial.
Who am I to benefit the goods that God has bestowed unto me.
Pay it forward in ways and varieties...
Then the unseen is what is given to me.
The fight, the struggle and the maintenance is what produces heart;
and faith is the sister of karma.
Do I really think I do this all on my own?
I never walk alone...
Steady hand but never being able to draw a straight line.
Am I lying? No!
Do the days bring back days of the day's I felt like dying?
No!
I cherish life like the deserts love the rain,
like passion and pain co-exist and meet at the prelude to exist.

...and this is where I meet my heart's lover.
Took some time to be discovered---kicking and screaming
you could not have what I promised to my one true lover.

Bring me back to life and give me back my lungs to breath...
no more rolling tree's and sitting for hours laughing and potentially
losing all that is important to me.

Take me where the treasured moments are.
Far from this mental in the dark.
Closer to that internal spark.

I wanted to gift you the most innocent part of me.
The untouched version of me.
The intimate, intellectual, un-bulletproofed me.

For a moment I fought the me who denied the love you we're gifting.
I could not comprehend how one person could love until wits end.

Until I met you and you brought the main subject and the main character to life...
reminding me of how special I am in real life, mother and wife.


....end of thought! =)