Proud

I keep giving birth to my stigmata...
yes, a stigma...
blistered with infamy and reproach.
Choking...on my nervous verbs...
Said words, curse words and
more words left to be unheard.
Loud silence lost in my head,
never leaving sound to be dead...
because the silence is loud in my head.
Too deep for you to comprehend.
Trying sleeping in it.
Live awake in it.
I babble about the physics
but not the logistics of the direct
connection from the marrow to my mind.
Always out of line when I speak directly from my philia...
Watching words carefully but acting on my actions...
always hurts someones feelings yo.
I can't deny, lie or hide what you see
fear, pain, confusion but nonetheless decipherable.
Tread through my minds transoceanic---
Sink or swim, lead or follow.
Here today but you can be gone tomorrow.
Prideous does not stand at the door,
it steps on your feet and walks all over you.
Never sleeps because your dreams sometimes
are no match for the deceit your pride lurks
steady by your side...
put it down for a moment, it ain't going no where.

I be...

Focusing my anger into lira.
Monetizing my emotions
as I spit this--
I get paid for this.
Dropping seeds,
Natural born leaders…
Pursue dreams, leaving some behind the scenes
So people with no dream can't see what I see.
Then again you ain't got my third eye.
I do what you can’t do, I just do ME.
You see things blindly---
Demonetize focalized on an idiom
Backyard ghetto slang with no rhythm yo.
Your own nous does not recognize your own mouth.
Nah, idiot I am not misspelling words.
It's called verbs, nouns, grammar and intellect.
Get you some fundamental aspect
and maybe ya’ll stop looking like bullnecks.
Classic lines, to check yo’self
Before you reck yo’self.
Matter of fact scratch that—
Yo’ reckless self is minus one…
Makes you none, no one.
You can’t gas me up…
Got a sponsor that beat you to the pump
Get up and jump
If you feel this offends…
Come with it son,
Dollar for dollar,
Word for word…
Scholar for ummmmm yea
You can't win there---
Two dummies in a pod
2010 still living like slobs.
Ask me about how to get a job
Homie, you are on ya job---
Hater, no ambition
No science, no funds.
No rent, no re-run.
Your technique is weak
Your backbone is weaker.
You are in direct violation of your ancestors and the O.G’s
Ignominy----with that you are dismissed!

"Change Me"

You knew I,
I had my,
My vices you said you could handle it
But you lied
Cause you tried
To change me, mold me and----

Everything you love before you don't love no more
Everything I did for you don't want no more (You don't want no more)
Maybe I'm not kind of girl you've been lookin' for (Oh, oh)
Would you agree So, How can you not see

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
Your my air girl I breath you
You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
Your my air girl I breath you

Why must I,
Decide on,
Whether I love you or the world
You met me
You fell deeply
In love with me so what is the problem now

Everything you love before you don't love no more (You don't love no more)
Everything I did for you don't want no more (You don't want no more)
Maybe I'm not quit the man that you've been lookin' for
Would you agree So, how can you not see


Why would you wanna change me?
Arrange me? Is that what you call love?
Maybe you need somebody different
Somebody who fits you like a glove
But don't change everything
(Don't change me, baby don't change me) That you love
(Don't change me, don't change me, don't change me) About me

You know that I love you (When you know that I love you)
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
Your my air girl I breath you
You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
Your my air girl I breath you

So don't try'na change me
So don't try'na change me
Why would you chage me
Why would you chage me (Baby I will let you go)
So don't try'na change me
So don't try'na change me
Why would you chage me
Why would you chage me (Baby I will let you go)

So don't try'na change me...

Diary....

Right away I put the "L" in the air to see who would come running! As always a few of the originals and some newbies who want to be my B.
I often call upon the elements of life when I have backed myself into a phenotypic corner. Everyone is asking me why am I single...and all I can say "it's because that is what I am use to being," trying a relationship on for size was new to me.
I cannot blame it on the alcohol or the vices, because it was under control. All I keep coming up with is "transition." More like intonation, because I rise and fall.
Sadly he did not stick around long enough to see the acclivity and witness my own person succedaneum and chose the blue pill instead of the red.
I might have lacked a lot due to my situation but it was all success up ahead.
He met me at the worst time of my life...losing my Father's and a few others. Giving up on my craft and shifting into places where it's dark, damp and cold. But still finding within the depths of my shaken soul and broken heart to try to love.
I promised you plenty--of what it is I can achieve, patients and understanding and the willingness to believe that love is what ultimately I was trying to attain.
Far far far from perfect and a soldier of many, but armor of ancestors who do not allow me to sleep in my thoughts or find comfort in my dreams.
They sent me you---to open the doors to this treacherous place...losing faith but still clinging on to what life for the sake of what is most valuable to me.
Only in my departed soul do my ancestors come to me, speak clearly. The older one who has been with me since the womb...reminds me that all my personal demons do not mean I am condemned, only means I have more opportunities to make mends...but I have been in this life before but this time to find love and not to be afraid to walk through that door --delegate my fear where they belong...binded, unattached, gone.