Diary....

Right away I put the "L" in the air to see who would come running! As always a few of the originals and some newbies who want to be my B.
I often call upon the elements of life when I have backed myself into a phenotypic corner. Everyone is asking me why am I single...and all I can say "it's because that is what I am use to being," trying a relationship on for size was new to me.
I cannot blame it on the alcohol or the vices, because it was under control. All I keep coming up with is "transition." More like intonation, because I rise and fall.
Sadly he did not stick around long enough to see the acclivity and witness my own person succedaneum and chose the blue pill instead of the red.
I might have lacked a lot due to my situation but it was all success up ahead.
He met me at the worst time of my life...losing my Father's and a few others. Giving up on my craft and shifting into places where it's dark, damp and cold. But still finding within the depths of my shaken soul and broken heart to try to love.
I promised you plenty--of what it is I can achieve, patients and understanding and the willingness to believe that love is what ultimately I was trying to attain.
Far far far from perfect and a soldier of many, but armor of ancestors who do not allow me to sleep in my thoughts or find comfort in my dreams.
They sent me you---to open the doors to this treacherous place...losing faith but still clinging on to what life for the sake of what is most valuable to me.
Only in my departed soul do my ancestors come to me, speak clearly. The older one who has been with me since the womb...reminds me that all my personal demons do not mean I am condemned, only means I have more opportunities to make mends...but I have been in this life before but this time to find love and not to be afraid to walk through that door --delegate my fear where they belong...binded, unattached, gone.