N.I.A

Obsessed with my becoming vane

Combined with my bloodline---insane

I am compared to a dramatic entity

Psycho tendencies based on a dense person’s insecurities.



Realizing I’ve done well not have fallen far from grace,

Maybe landing on my knees but never flat on my face.

On and on and you don’t know what you got till it’s gone.

Render myself disengaged and blissfully ready to act my age.



I won’t take the joys of joy and the love from love…

But all else you FAIL miserably you are not what a man should be.

I might not be what a woman should be either,

Between me and you I have a better chance of getting

the scissors out and cut the set backs away and making my own human glue.



I don’t need another person to mark the steps for me and set me adrift

I uplift myself and make my own path and gather the sands of time

To build my castle in the sky…

I admit I have foolishly loved a boy who was masked as a man,

But none the less love is the word.

I made it this far with suffering my first heartbreak from a boy…

But again I did not cry over how someone could not love me

Protect me and provide for me…



I am who I am and hands down struggle to find myself in order

To be the best me, but in the end I am left with nothing

But myself, right back where I began…

And for that I will be just fine.

Take a hard look at yourself and the way you have lived…

---proud you are, to use females and with that playalistic linguistics

Will not get you far…

You say I sell wolf tickets, in my opinion at least the tickets I sell

Can become reality and some will line up to purchase them

In the event they will appreciate the “Nia” Show.



I do not pray on your demise, I pray you open your eyes…

…and you are blessed with all that good parts of you deserve.

I hope you never have a daughter and have her endure

What you have done unto others…

I have so many things to be repentful for, but for that I will repent

And not repeat what I neglected.



I have to thank you for showing me how to love…

…and teaching me that listening to my heart and intuition is true.

You can deny it all you want, but when I stand in front of a podium

Speaking my truth to people and HE who see’s it all…

It is not me who will emotionally have a rise or fall…

I will be proud to say I been through it all!

From birth to my rebirth, I am stronger then ever…

…not you or no one but God and love me better

And the monster that sleeps with you inside your head

And eats at your heart and demons the bind you will

Be there until you realize where you need to be.

You are my one love and I can honestly say

Has shown me how to be independent and open to love.

For that I give my utter thanks and appreciation…

But goodbye for now but never forever…

SO-LO

Edit
"Soul Low" aka Solo
by Lovinia Angela Rodriguez on Wednesday, December 8, 2010 at 9:38pm

Here goes nothing,



A drop of the clear salty saline solution secreted by the lacrimal glands

is the theme of today's emotion and the subject at hand.



I have no shame in saying I've cried oceans...

A river is too small for the pain of it all.



I realize I hurt so bad

because I love so hard.



I love so hard

because I need it bad.



Bad, is never good...

and well something good is not always good for you.



My eyes are swollen shut and my ears are ringing...

Heart pounding, soul alone...yea so alone...soul low...I want to live solo.



I have never been the one to let certain things bury me...

but even my heart is scared of me, my minds eyes...

that wisdom that lurks inside.

Dark and uneasy to please...feed me knowledge

and water me with tears.

Watch me grow...after all these years...

I want to be solo...but right now my soul is low.



I see the places I've been

familiar with the places I need to be.

phantasmal and cosmic energy...

Displaced again because of earthly tragedies.

Unhealthy thoughts ravish me to replace...

the peaceful feeling you pretended to gift me.



Now I rather take the pain which is the truth,

use it, flip it, grow and create something the

whole world can habituate...



Your emotions are still local.

The more I become vocal

the less you become heard.

The more I hear you,

the less I care to be near you.

The you I use to love

I could care less to be near you.

Careless you with no Lovey...

I can no longer hear you...

...look around I am no where near you!