Haunt Me

The sun starts to dawn,
a sure sign the daylight is dying.
Confused as the weather like the clouds
lingered debating to rain or not.
I stand and plot if I will come to visit him
in that grave-parking lot for the dead.
Was this really something I want to manifest
in my head?
How can I come see you at a place where I don't see you?
Because where I find you is in my own eyes, my sons smile
the music the soul the laughter and my own giving nature.
-Myself
-Cristion
-Grandchildren
-Your brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces
sigh...I even see it in my Mother.

Sad now for the days I said I can count the days I spend with my Father
as if it were the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me.
But now I say...I can count the days with my Father, blessed me...to be able to remember every detail of every day and count the ways.
Hear the stories of a humble, loving, humorous, soul.
Blessed me, to be able to hear nothing but positive stories of how you never hurt anyone ---all that you gave and all you were willing to do...how your laughter was contagious.
How you were Johnny Rod the dude with all the funny jokes and the sound effect and how you were always smiling...
Sigh...that's why it's so easy to see it in Cristion's smile...because I remember yours clearly!

...I went anyway...I drove to your grave and the sky overcast with a light shade of gray....I tried to say driving by was good enough.
When I got there I was alone the rain was coming and all I could think of...that's my Daddy down there....he should be at home...I'm not clear on how I actually got the his plot but I was on my knees, crying, professing, missing, praying and writing poetry without even knowing.
Then I felt the Texas rain like tears warm but needed...sigh...I pleaded to show me signs...stay around me, haunt me and wait for me.

Happy Birthday Daddy, I love you still...never good bye but until we say hello again...

7.31.09