Confused

Unbinded, unhinged, unknowing,
Loved, unloved,
Hate and love,
Loving and hating...
Pain and more painful.
Heart and broken,
Whole and complete.
Mother, daughter, sister, friend.
Unloyal, defiant, challenging.
Faithful, truthful and reliant.
Past, present, future.
History, memories, forgotten.
Patient, overt, outspoken.
Silent, crying, whining.
Happy vs sad
Forced hugs and natural kisses.
Today, tonight...maybe never.
Are you following me?
Can't see how because I can't even follow me.
Come back another day and the emotion will change----

Woooosaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

Losing

...damn the devil and his tricksy ways has managed to domainate the scene once again. We have been warned about him again and again but yet he always acts like your best friend. sigh...I'm ready to close this chapter and dead it and let this demon win. Not sure how much more I can pretend to act like I am awaiting my best friend to act like my best friend. I can hardly stand the sight of the weakness that posses any human nowadays--- now to witness who it manifest in drives me insane. No tolerance for what it is I do not deserve but allowing things to become utterly obscured. Punish me accordingly...and maybe even for all for future sins but no longer will I pretend...this thing has to come to an end.

Weary

WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT MYSELF BESIDES CHANGE. ON A DAILY I FIND MYSELF CHANGING...SOME WAYS TO SOMEONE I WANNA BE AND SOMEONE I SAID I WOULD NEVER BE. I FIND MYSELF COMPLAINING MOST OF THE TIME VERBALLY BECAUSE THE BATTLE IS INTERNALLY. I ADMIT IT MUST BE HARD FOR SOME TO BE A PART OF MY LIFE...LISTENING TO MY STRUGGLES, STRIFE AND COMING OUT A LIFE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. BUT THEN AGAIN I DONT NEED ANYONE TO HOLD MY HAND NOR DO I FEEL I NEED A MAN...JUST SOMEONE I CAN CRY, TALK, LAUGH WITH AFTER ALL LIFES PROBLEMS AND CARRYING ALL THIS SADNESS. I DONT ASK FOR MUCH JUST TO BE UNDERSTOOD...I GUESS SOME OF MY ISSUES ARE OVERSTOOD AND SOME PEOPLE JUST GET TIRED OF HEARING ME TALK N SEEING ME CRY...SO AT THE END OF EACH DAY I SIGH AND CRYING IN SILENCE. I AM A GOOD WOMAN WITH A HUGE HEART AND A QUICK MOUTH...HURTFUL AND NOT PERFECT BUT WITH THE RIGHT INSPIRATION I AM NOT FAR FROM IT. AS DAYS GO BY I START TO WORRY THAT SO SOON I AM STARTING TO FEEL WEARY. I AM AFRAID TO FAIL IN CERTAIN ASPECTS BUT WHO AM I KIDDING...